Conversation Etiquette

Seven conversation etiquette tips I've found useful

1. Take care of yourself.  Follow the simple guidance your body gives you and take care of personal needs first and foremost.  No one needs you to uncomfortably hold your bladder for 2 hours as they finish telling you a story.  If you struggle with how to remove yourself politely from a situation so that you can take care of your needs, try "Hold that thought, I'll be back in a few."

2. "Don't complain and don't explain." I heard this from Mr. Lundine in the early 2000's and it is solid advice.  No one wants to hear your excuses.  Humans tend to make it into a contest once someone expresses that they are tired.  Don't be the one who throws down the guantlet for conversation to focus on the negative.  The human journey is rife with daily struggle for each and every one of us. Be a part of the solution by focusing your thoughts and conversations on the positive.

3. Be an active listener.  Look people in the eyes when they are talking to you.  Actions speak louder than words.  Make people feel they are being listened to.  This is a real gift in our culture where many of us listen absently while thinking about what we will say next. (Photo from The Artist is Present by Marina Abramovic.)

 
4. When someone lets you know they are running behind, reply "Thanks for letting me know.  Take your time and be careful."  This again was from Mr. Lundine in the early 2000's and I benefited from his compassionate reply.  Safety is the first priority when someone is running behind.  Be compassionate.  Your shaming of them will not change the situation and worst case scenario could add to their rushing through traffic and causing an accident.

 
5. Figure out how to say "thank you" rather than "I'm sorry."  I saw this cartoon on Dec 23, 2015 and am trying to take it to heart: https://www.facebook.com/thatscoop/posts/1041847832503398.  (Illustrations by New York based artist Yao Xiao.)  I hear way too many people apologizing in my job when I ask them to volunteer or show up for an event.  It makes me feel like I have to work to allay their shame and that is a gross feeling.  It leads me to my next line of advice.

6. "Thanks so much for the invite!  I can't make it but I'll be there in spirit!" rather than "Sorry I can't go...(lengthy excuse often accompanied by oversharing)".  Keep your spirits up.  Modern life is often overfilled with scheduling commitments, health issues and unforeseen emergencies. You aren't the only one with this problem.  While your presence is important, I typically have hundreds or even thousands of other calls to make and your positivity and brevity is appreciated more than you can know.

 
7. Thank people with sincerity early and often for: hosting a gathering, doing you a favor, giving you a gift. This benefits them by making them feel appreciated and it benefits you because by focusing on what you are grateful for, you become more optimistic and in turn, attract more blessings into your life.